Did You Know?

There's a town in Texas called Point Blank.

I wonder if there's a good story behind that.

From My Inbox (no offense to any attorneys or witnesses out there)

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, of what people actually said in court... word for word. They were recorded and now published by court reporters, who had to keep a straight face while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY : When is your birthday?
WITNESS : July 18th.
ATTORNEY : What year?
WITNESS : Every year.

ATTORNEY : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS : Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS : I forget.
ATTORNEY : You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY : How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS : Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY : How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS : Forty-five years.

ATTORNEY : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS : We both do.
ATTORNEY : Voodoo?
WITNESS : We do.
ATTORNEY : You do?
WITNESS : Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS : Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY : The youngest son, the twenty-one year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS : Duh, he's twenty-one.

ATTORNEY : Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS : Would you repeat the question?

ATTORNEY : She had three children, right?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : How many were boys?
WITNESS : None.
ATTORNEY : Were there any girls?

ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS : By death.
ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated?

ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS : He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female?

ATTORNEY : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS : No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

ATTORNEY : ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS : Oral.

ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY : But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

A Backyard Visitor

This wonderful spider took up residence in our yard today. It is called, appropriately enough, the Black and Yellow Garden Spider.

Why School?

The ultimate goal of the educational system is to shift to the individual the burden of pursuing his own education. This will not be a widely shared pursuit until we get over our odd conviction that education is what goes on in school buildings and nowhere else.
- John W. Gardner, 1912 - 2002

I read this quote today, and it reminded me of how grateful I am that I was able to be home educated. I learned very early that education is not something that's separate or incompatible with the rest of life. Home schooling allows children to learn how to learn and actually enjoy it. Those who know how to teach themselves will always find the world a fascinating place.

A Bend in the Road

I hope you’re sitting down, because you’re about to hear BIG NEWS.

After much thought, prayer, discussing with my parents, and keeping a secret all summer, I’ve decided to leave my full-time job and actively pursue starting my own business of making and selling gift baskets. I actually started it last May, and have finally gotten everything set up and ready to go. My project now is marketing, which I might as well do right now. Please visit my website!!!

I also signed up with Pampered Chef, and am hoping the two businesses can help each other out. I hope I’m not getting myself in over my head. It’s going to take me out of my comfort zone, but I think it’ll be fun. I’m hoping to get everything up and running in time for the holiday shopping season.

The next month is going to be nuts, since I actually gave five weeks notice at my job. So, if blog posts are scarce or not very well thought out, it’s because I’m working a full-time job, and starting two businesses!

A New Picture For My Office

There's this hilarious website called despair.com that has some fantastic pictures called "Demotivators." I think this one is my favorite.

Thanks for the link Lindsay!

The Game Must Go On

My family set out to go play baseball at the park this morning. It was quite an experience, and it all started at the breakfast table. We were discussing our plans and the talk turned to safety. Various people said things like don't throw the ball too hard and don't throw the bat when you start running. Seth suggested that we wear bicycle helmets, and the conversation was all downhill from there. Next, my mother said she was going to bring her wooden spoon and spank anyone who threw the bat, so we started imagining our mother running around a baseball field with a wooden spoon! We thought someone would say, "Ma'am your bat is very small." As if that wasn't enough to have us all being very silly, the sky was getting cloudy and we heard thunder in the distance. So, we decided that we were going to be the only family in town playing baseball wearing bicycle helmets, and hitting the ball with a spoon in the rain!

Off we went, minus helmets and spoon, and had a fun time playing for a while. We don't really have enough people for a proper team, and we aren't very good at it, but we had fun anyway. That is, until it started raining. It didn't take long for most of us to take shelter in the dugout, but John, Anna, and Seth kept right on playing! I think they were nuts, but they didn't seem to mind that they were getting soaked to the bone. Plus, the ball field started turning into a mud hole, so they were very dirty too. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. These are the same people who slept out under the stars one night on our vacation even though it was drizzling!

EDIT: That was yesterday, and this is today, and the whole family is hobbling around groaning because of all the sore muscles! Hmmm, maybe we should play baseball more often.

Marriage Quote

Seeing as how I'm not married, I really don't know what I'm talking about here, but I still found this quote amusing. There may be a tiny bit of truth in it.

"Marriage is the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two."

Beware the Red Chips

I went to Taco Cabana for lunch today. I like it, and I think it's pretty much the best place for a $5 lunch. However, there's something there that always bothers me: THE RED CHIPS. They're about the color of cherry pie filling, which is just wrong for chips. I feel like I'm eating a paint chip from Lowe's. There must be gobs of dye in those things. So my philosophy is go to Taco Cabana as often as you like, but DON'T EAT THE RED CHIPS!!

World Trade Center

I went to see this movie last Saturday, and thought it was excellent. I love stories of real-life heroism. The movie mostly showed the aftermath of the disaster, focusing on the rescue of two police officers trapped in the rubble. It was a very inspiring story. I also appreciated the portrayal of a particular character who was shown to be a Christian but also presented as a hero.

The Liquid Ban

I’m thankful that the recent terrorist plot was foiled in time, but I’m also saddened at how the wickedness of a few makes everyone suffer. We gradually get treated more and more like suspects in our own homeland. Some of the new restrictions, like the complete ban on all liquids, seem ridiculous to me, but on the other hand, I understand that it’s much more efficient to just ban everything. Besides, as the world becomes a more threatening place, sacrifices become necessary in order to have safety. I wonder if we’ll ever be able to really win the war on terror.

I guess it’s all just such a reminder of how the world is hurtling towards a dramatic finish. We really shouldn’t expect things to get better, at least not long-term.

Wardrobe Harrassment

Yesterday, I wore a skirt that I think is cute and fun. It's an American Eagle skirt I found at a resale shop. It's a long straight skirt made of nylon in an army green color. It has white piping along each side, two velcro-closed cargo pockets, and a back slit with a zipper.

My mother says I look like a walking duffel bag.

A Moment In Time

Yeah, I know news has been slow this week, but here’s why.

Right now, I’m:

-Listening to the Chariots of Fire theme song
-Drinking water
-Eating a Hershey’s kiss
-Writing agency info on forms
-Nurturing an almost-gone jar candle to melt as much wax as possible before it burns out
-Watching an email pop up

Exciting, huh?

Puzzlement

I saw this bumper sticker this morning. It struck me as funny, but I’m at a loss to figure out what it means, exactly.

Don’t meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

:-)
:-)

Any ideas?

I Knew It!!

Women like electronic gadgets just as much as men do!

A Few Things I've Learned In My Life

• You should turn away from the birthday cake when you blow out the match.
• Roller coasters make me sick.
• Wearing flip-flops in thorny grass is a bad idea.
• Airport security x-ray machines confuse ipods.
• Soft drinks make me feel bloated.
• In movies: sword fights-good; gun fights-bad.
• When dancing, focusing steadily on your partner’s nose prevents dizziness. (The eyes work too, but that has a tendency to induce blushing.)
• Long, full skirts do not coordinate well with wheeled office chairs.
• The later you have lunch, the faster the afternoon goes by.
• Jumping in piles of dry leaves is a temporary pleasure followed by great sorrow if you have long hair.
• The gas gauge in my car shows empty when it still has two or three gallons left.
• I can go almost a hundred miles on three gallons of gas.
• You don’t sweat as much when you ride a bicycle as when you walk.
• Restarting cures many computer problems.
• It’s tough to eat an ice cream cone while driving a stick shift car.
• I’m not obligated to finish every book I start.
• None of the cut-an-onion-without-crying tricks work.