Thursday, August 31, 2006
ATTORNEY : When is your birthday?
WITNESS : July 18th.
ATTORNEY : What year?
WITNESS : Every year.
ATTORNEY : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS : Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS : I forget.
ATTORNEY : You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY : How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS : Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY : How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS : Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS : We both do.
ATTORNEY : Voodoo?
WITNESS : We do.
ATTORNEY : You do?
WITNESS : Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS : Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY : The youngest son, the twenty-one year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS : Duh, he's twenty-one.
ATTORNEY : Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS : Would you repeat the question?
ATTORNEY : She had three children, right?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : How many were boys?
WITNESS : None.
ATTORNEY : Were there any girls?
ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS : By death.
ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated?
ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS : He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female?
ATTORNEY : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS : No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
ATTORNEY : ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS : Oral.
ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY : But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
- John W. Gardner, 1912 - 2002
I read this quote today, and it reminded me of how grateful I am that I was able to be home educated. I learned very early that education is not something that's separate or incompatible with the rest of life. Home schooling allows children to learn how to learn and actually enjoy it. Those who know how to teach themselves will always find the world a fascinating place.
Friday, August 25, 2006
After much thought, prayer, discussing with my parents, and keeping a secret all summer, I’ve decided to leave my full-time job and actively pursue starting my own business of making and selling gift baskets. I actually started it last May, and have finally gotten everything set up and ready to go. My project now is marketing, which I might as well do right now. Please visit my website!!!
I also signed up with Pampered Chef, and am hoping the two businesses can help each other out. I hope I’m not getting myself in over my head. It’s going to take me out of my comfort zone, but I think it’ll be fun. I’m hoping to get everything up and running in time for the holiday shopping season.
The next month is going to be nuts, since I actually gave five weeks notice at my job. So, if blog posts are scarce or not very well thought out, it’s because I’m working a full-time job, and starting two businesses!
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Off we went, minus helmets and spoon, and had a fun time playing for a while. We don't really have enough people for a proper team, and we aren't very good at it, but we had fun anyway. That is, until it started raining. It didn't take long for most of us to take shelter in the dugout, but John, Anna, and Seth kept right on playing! I think they were nuts, but they didn't seem to mind that they were getting soaked to the bone. Plus, the ball field started turning into a mud hole, so they were very dirty too. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. These are the same people who slept out under the stars one night on our vacation even though it was drizzling!
EDIT: That was yesterday, and this is today, and the whole family is hobbling around groaning because of all the sore muscles! Hmmm, maybe we should play baseball more often.
Friday, August 18, 2006
"Marriage is the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two."
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Monday, August 14, 2006
Saturday, August 12, 2006
I guess it’s all just such a reminder of how the world is hurtling towards a dramatic finish. We really shouldn’t expect things to get better, at least not long-term.
Friday, August 11, 2006
My mother says I look like a walking duffel bag.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Yeah, I know news has been slow this week, but here’s why.
Right now, I’m:
-Listening to the Chariots of Fire theme song
-Eating a Hershey’s kiss
-Writing agency info on forms
-Nurturing an almost-gone jar candle to melt as much wax as possible before it burns out
-Watching an email pop up
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
- You should turn away from the birthday cake when you blow out the match.
- Roller coasters make me sick.
- Wearing flip-flops in thorny grass is a bad idea.
- Airport security x-ray machines confuse ipods.
- Soft drinks make me feel bloated.
- In movies: sword fights-good; gun fights-bad.
- When dancing, focusing steadily on your partner’s nose prevents dizziness. (The eyes work too, but that has a tendency to induce blushing.)
- Long, full skirts do not coordinate well with wheeled office chairs.
- The later you have lunch, the faster the afternoon goes by.
- Jumping in piles of dry leaves is a temporary pleasure followed by great sorrow if you have long hair.
- The gas gauge in my car shows empty when it still has two or three gallons left.
- I can go almost a hundred miles on three gallons of gas.
- You don’t sweat as much when you ride a bicycle as when you walk.
- Restarting cures many computer problems.
- It’s tough to eat an ice cream cone while driving a stick shift car.
- I’m not obligated to finish every book I start.
- None of the cut-an-onion-without-crying tricks work.