A Few Things I've Learned In My Life

• You should turn away from the birthday cake when you blow out the match.
• Roller coasters make me sick.
• Wearing flip-flops in thorny grass is a bad idea.
• Airport security x-ray machines confuse ipods.
• Soft drinks make me feel bloated.
• In movies: sword fights-good; gun fights-bad.
• When dancing, focusing steadily on your partner’s nose prevents dizziness. (The eyes work too, but that has a tendency to induce blushing.)
• Long, full skirts do not coordinate well with wheeled office chairs.
• The later you have lunch, the faster the afternoon goes by.
• Jumping in piles of dry leaves is a temporary pleasure followed by great sorrow if you have long hair.
• The gas gauge in my car shows empty when it still has two or three gallons left.
• I can go almost a hundred miles on three gallons of gas.
• You don’t sweat as much when you ride a bicycle as when you walk.
• Restarting cures many computer problems.
• It’s tough to eat an ice cream cone while driving a stick shift car.
• I’m not obligated to finish every book I start.
• None of the cut-an-onion-without-crying tricks work.