So, what about it then? Expect for when I dabbled with online matchmaking, I’ve generally thought that I should just contentedly wait for God to bring me a spouse: the right person at the right time. I’ve thought that if the man hasn’t shown up yet, either I’m not ready or he’s not ready, and if God wants me married he’ll bring The One along with no help from me.
But now, I’m having a fairly radical thought: what if there isn’t just one? Does God really have just one person out there somewhere who would be my ideal match? If that’s true, what if he died at birth? What if someone else married him by mistake? How does that fit with widows who remarry?
I believe that God cares about every aspect of our lives, but is it over-spiritualizing to think that God has just one person who will miraculously come across my path? Maybe it’s not true that if the man hasn’t shown up one of us isn’t ready. Maybe if everyone around me thinks I am ready, I should go find someone else who’s ready.
I also believe that it’s important to have standards and not lower them out of frustration. Better to be married to a godly man for forty years than a jerk for fifty. But what if there’s more than one person who qualifies? Or what if there’s almost nobody who qualifies and just happening across such a person is an extremely remote possibility?
Honestly, I think very few people are truly “called to singleness” and the rising numbers of single adults make me think something must be amiss. Are we holding out for perfection? Is it possible that the idea of waiting for a “soulmate” is based in selfishness? Are we looking for someone who will make us completely happy rather than looking for someone with whom we can raise a family? Why don’t we just pick somebody, make a commitment, and then stick it out, for better or for worse?
Some have said to me that if you go looking for a spouse you might be jumping ahead of God’s timing and missing something better he had for you. But isn’t there a danger with that kind of thinking that you’ll be holding out forever for something even better? As long as we don’t abandon our values and standards, I don’t think we should be that concerned with missing out on perfection, especially since perfection doesn’t exist in this world. For example, how can we expect to find someone who’s never crabby but will happily put up with us when we’re crabby?
And what about couples in the Bible? Didn't Abraham take a look at his son, decide Isaac needed a wife, and promptly send a servant out to find one? Hmmm, I wonder how other Biblical couples got together?
- Adam and Eve--this was definitely a miraculous, divine intervention, but it cost Adam a rib.
- Jacob and Leah--why I'm not advocating arranged marriage
- Jacob and Rachel--Jacob: a man obsessed with beauty; Rachel: the beautiful cousin. Ok, nevermind about that one.
- Boaz and Ruth--She asked him because he was rich. Wow.
- David and Abigail--Hot-headed future king meets intelligent beauty in a moment of drama. God conveniently kills her pathetic husband.
- David and Bathsheba--no, falling in lust with a woman and murdering her husband is not a good idea.
- Job--this might be a good case for staying single, actually.
- Hosea--God told him to marry an unfaithful woman. She was probably easy to find.
- Joseph and Mary--probably another arranged marriage. I guess it works sometimes.
- Aquila and Priscilla--an excellent example of a couple who are truly partners in every aspect of life. I wish the Bible told how they met.
Well I'm not sure what to think about all that, except that there doesn't seem to any sort of magical formula, that's for sure.
Ok, that’s all. If you made it to the end of all these disorganized thoughts, congratulations! You are now free to tell me I’m losing my mind. But you might want to do it quickly, because if this train of thought continues, I might have to recant all that stuff I said about online matchmaking.