X-mas Tree Psychology

No, I didn't write this. I came across it and thought it was a very amusing Christmas-tree-problem solver.

If your Christmas tree is: Then you:
A metal pole.........................................need to watch less television
A menorah............................................are confused
From your neighbor’s yard................should refit it to the stump in January
A 20-foot Fraser fir.............................have too much money
A four-inch fungus...............................have too little money
Singing...................................................should call the cops
One in a million.....................................are in a forest
Already tossed......................................are impatient
On fire....................................................should run
Upside-down.........................................do too much yoga
Needle-less............................................deserve it
Pre-decorated.......................................need more spirit
The fourth you’ve bought....................need less spirit
Stolen......................................................need therapy
A couch, upended, with a star on top....will need extra seating
Brown......................................................should water it
Made of gold...........................................win
Surrounded by fake presents..............work at Crate & Barrel